Intro: Welcome to the Ashes to Wings podcast, where we tell stories of overcomers, and give you tips and tricks to living a fuller, more embodied life, here's your host, Jenni O'Connor.
Hey friends, welcome to Ashes to Wings. Let's talk about pure compliments. You can pay a compliment (to others or to yourself) without insulting others. We sometimes struggle to say nice things about ourselves. For some, there may be childhood or cultural messaging on pride to overcome. For others, it may be unrealistic expectations set for what the "ideal person" is. Receiving compliments and saying kind things to or about ourselves might seem awkward or even painful. So as we travel this road of growing comfortable with ourselves in a new light, many of us move to humor or comparison... "this not that"... in effort to ease some of the awkwardness. But there are often self-deprecating remarks couched in our compliments to others, or to ourselves.
"You're so smart, I'm terrible at math."
"Can't cook, but I'm a great kisser!"
This can also be directed outwards, comparing your new ideal to an old ideal. The problem is, we're now tearing down others to lift ourselves up. Instead of adding to what creates an "ideal person," we've just changed the definition and insulted a completely different group of people. For example:
"Strong is the new skinny."
"You don't need makeup or hair dye to look pretty."
"Real men work with their hands."
"I don't have to show my body to be sexy."
"Brains not brawn."
"Real Women Have Curves."
And for my pole industry people I'm including the hashtag #notastripper in this.
We don't need to draw a comparison that shames someone else for their body, gifts, lifestyle, or choices. There's just as much power... I'd argue even more... in making a pure compliment. For example:
"My body is beautiful and strong."
"Your hair color is so pretty, and your skin glows!"
"I love working with my hands."
"I feel so sexy in this outfit!"
"You are so smart."
"Loving my curves!"
Because you should be celebrated for the things that make you feel good about yourself, without the limitations of a humblebrag or a dig at yourself or others. And we should be able to compliment others in a way that uplifts without tearing down. So practice this today. Give yourself a pure compliment and give one to someone else. See how different it feels, and know that you're taking steps to making this world a more uplifting place.
Outro: Thanks for listening. The best way to learn is to teach someone else. So take one thing you learned today and share it with a friend. Find Jenni on Instagram at the_Jenni_O'Connor and online at JenniOConnor.com. Subscribe for new episodes. Until next time, rise above!